[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Sunday, October 17th, 2004|
|we'll go jumble sailing out when the weather is fine.
I had a nice time last night, Cathy davey was ace of base, 22-20's were a pile of shite, and the first band had a single that I've heard on the radio that goes 'on and on and on and on and on and on...' need to find out what they were called pour le review.
Me and Danni had a nice time. My favourite bit was when danni kicked her shoe off, hit a man, and the side of the room, and it made a big bang, and the two lads just sort of looked down went 'ahhh it's a shoe,' and carried on talking, without looking around to see who was one shoe down. And it made me laugh, as if they had shoes kicked at them everyday. We danced to Marilyn Manson and tried to be dead scary by being ghosts and zombies and oh oh laughed at this stupid goth mosher man moshing away and then pulling karate poses, he thought he was class, we thought he was an arse.
We then got food went back to Danni's talked about the development of the human brain, looked through the skating photo's and then I came home, feeling happy.
Oh and also we're going to write an article about being celibate, we decided on the first day of spring, which I need to find out the date of. Hopefully it's not that long away. Spring starts in December.
I have decided something and I feel happier about deciding the something. Then I went to sleep in my mums bed, which I like doing because it makes me feel like a little kid, and that's good because I hate feeling like I'm growned up.
I got two pizza's last night, it was buy one get one free. What's the point of that? To make Middlesbrough even more fat as fuck. I'm going to eat the other one now.
|Saturday, October 16th, 2004|
|ob la di ob la da life goes on
So I've got a new haircut, it's alright, Natalie's going to think I've copied her, it's kind of similiar, but I can prove that I haven't by a photo of my hair like this bout 6 months ago and I wanted it the same. It's going to look stupid when I attempt to dry it myself, so I might start collecting hats.
When I drove everyone home last night and I was driving myself home and I started crying and I don't really know why. I had a really nice night, I just cried a lot all the way home for no reason. I think it was partly because I was ever so tired after about 4 hours driving in one night, and I think it was because I was left alone and it made me sad. I don't like being on my own and will drop things I have to do to do things with other people, and I wish I could say no. Other people when they are busy say 'no I'm sorry I've got shit loads to do.' I say 'yes, I'll do all my stuff tomorrow,' which means I leave everything till the last second, I never used to be like this, I've just recently got a thing about being on my own and not liking it so much, I used to like it loads. I don't know.
I've also driven to Middlesbrough and sat outside Albert Park deciding if I should try and find everyone, and it was pissing down, and I decided I didn't want to get wet and I didn't have a lighter so I wouldn't be able to smoke, and that I didn't like my hair, and I felt like I was going to cry again over absolutely nothing, so I drove all the way home again.
Now I'm going to sort out my art history essay plan. MMMM that will cheer me up, and listen to clear lake because 'we'll go jumble sailing' is a song that makes me happy because it's all about charity shopping and it's sweet. I'm going to sort out the fanzine, and what questions I need to ask everyone, review the cd's for natalie, sort out the track listing for Danni's super dupa tape, get ready and get totally tarted up, and then go to the empire all on my own, where I will stand like a wally, run out of fags, and probably cry again until danni turns up where I will give her the tape, maybe go halves on some fags and dance like a mong. That's the plan.
That's a good plan I think.
|Saturday, October 9th, 2004|
|Tobias Braybrook is my great great great uncle.
So I'm home, had an OK night, enjoyed dancing to Dizee Rascal, I used to wave at his block of flats everytime I drove past them driving through Bow.
I had a race with a car full of boy racers on the way home. I won. Tossers. I drove very dangoursly throwing caution to the wind. The boy racers then sped off to Saltburn straight on at the roundabout while I turned left to Marske. I then decided to have an adventure.....
instead of turning into my drive I carried on, past the pillar boxes and train bridge and on and on and on. On and on sort of heading to the beach. At the beach I parked up, got out, and bought a lemon top from this nice man selling icecreams which I found strange seeing as nobody was there, it was 2.43am. The icecream mans name was Tobias, it was printed on the side of his van, I stood next to his van eating my icecream and thought I would strike up a conversation, I said, "that's a strange name, my great great great uncles name was Tobias, he was a photographer."
"Wow, that is strange, I'm a photographer too," said Tobias.
"That's dead wierd. What sort of stuff do you take pictures of?" 'He's going to say documentary style photograhs of the working classes, He's going to say documentary style photograhs of the working classes.' I thought to myself.
"Documentary style photograhs of the working classes. I just hang out in the Dundas Arcade, and Hartlepool town centre on a night, snapping away."Tobias said.
"Ahhh so you're a bit like Martin Parr. Just out of interest, do you live in Ealing House, down Stockton Road in Hartlepool?"
"Erm,yes I used to."
"You're my Goddamn great great great uncle aren't you?"
"Yes. I must be."
"But I thought you died in the late 1800's?"
"No, I faked my death, I staged a tragic dark room accident, where I got crushed by an enlarger that wasn't properly fastened to the wall."
"How are you still alive?"
"I was messing on with my new icecream maker, icecream was the thing back then, and I happened to stumble across a recipe that was very strange. I first started to notice the strangeness of this flavour when the paper cut I had on my finger suddenly healed when I got icecream on it by accident. So I made this icecream again, exactly the same as before and fed it to my new next door neighbour who was blind. And what do you think happened?"
"He could see?" I felt a bit scared now, and just wanted to go home, but couldn't leave, I don't like being rude. The wind was getting cold, and I wore a really short skirt to the Arena and my legs were freezing.
"You guessed right niece." He said, laughing that he'd addressed me as 'niece', and then he carried on, "So I knew this recipe was special. And then as the years wore on and everyone around me grew old I then started to notice that I looked the same as I did when I was 30, when I first ate the icecream, I haven't aged a bit for over 100 years. I thought people might start to notice, so that's when I staged my death and decided to roam around choosing people that I thought deserved the gift of eternal youth and life."
"Could I be really cheeky and ask if I could possibly have an eternal youth icecream?"
"Is that not what you asked for?"
"No, I said a lemon top." He stared at me from behind handsome thick Charlie from Busted type eyebrows. He was actually quite handsome and I felt a bit funny fancying my uncle, I was trying to figure out if it would count as incest if I kissed him, and decided it wouldn't as he married my great great grandad's sister and wasn't actually a blood relation when it suddenly dawned on me why he was staring at me in that funny way. I dropped my icecream and it went on my left catshoe, and I swore, and then he smiled and said, "Goodbye Laura. I wish you all the health and happiness in the world. By the way you've got lovely skin." He then switched on his jingle, which was 'Model' by Kraftwerk, and then slowly drove off over the bumpy carpark, that needs redoing.
"Wait Tobias, my dad's doing the family tree and he'd love to meet you. By the way about the skin, I know, everyone tells me that."
Pling pling pling pling...that's an impression of the sound of him driving away down the coast road, completely ignoring me. I was then just stood in the carpark on my own in the pitch dark, and my car alarm went off. I walked slowly back to the car and then get in strap myself in, and then I realised I never told him my name. But anyway it's all good, because I'm never going to get old. That was my adventure, and you lot went home. BAH. Look what you missed out on. Eternal youth. That's what. Bet you're proper gutted.
|Sunday, October 3rd, 2004|
|oh yes and also
Just sort of forgot to say how fucking excited I am about the launch party and the rollerdisco. It's going to be ace, and we need to compile a list of all out favourite songs to play, and it's going to be so good. And I think it's brilliant that we are doing something that's so incredably clever, we are so flipping good. I'm sorting out the break up poetry as we speak and thinking about the cakes, and the clothes that I'm going to part with, oh and also Plan B said they'll send a northern writer to review it. Wooo. I can go to bed now I've vented my excitment. Oh also Natalie will you help me with funding forms for the Women's day thing? I don't think I'm quite bright enough to fill one in well.
|Saturday, September 18th, 2004|
|certain people are fucking stupid
I am officially fed fed fed up. Fed up so much that all the air around me is fed up and everything I touch gets fed up. Three people have annoyed me...
to number 1)If one of my friends said 'I don't fancy going there, can we go here instead?' I would say 'yes'. if I was that bothered about seeing them, and I wouldn't make a big fucking hoo-har out of it and try and make them feel as guilty as humanly possible.
to number 2)We've just kissed each other, I am not your girlfriend, so don't treat me like I am, and get all funny with me, I've explained what's going on, so don't give me ultimatums and things, because you have no right to.
to number 3)ARRRGGGHHHHH.
I can't wait for tomorrow to have a little room, just me, and I'll sit on the floor and read, how lovely. I'm such a cow bag. Good night.
|Thursday, September 16th, 2004|
|oh I forgot
Right, I learnt today that erm people eat oysters alive, and it's made me quite sad, because it's proper horrible. I think I would like to stop eating meat. Because I think it's sad. Sad, but bacon is dead nice. Imagine eating a pig alive.
|my dog was lost but now is found
Today has been class, I am the best knitter ever, because right I started off with 48 stiches on my needle and now I have 72. Yeah I'm a genius, I can add stiches from nowhere, I'm like the knitting jesus.
I have been knitting instead of packing. Packing reminds me I'm a really bad person with far too much stuff. One big suit case just filled up with trousers, one box filled with just skirts, and two boxes filled with T-shirts. I haven't even started on my cd's, or books, or my cameras and bits and bobs. Nightmare.com. As Becky would say. Or greedytron. She'd say that too.
I also need to say I don't think Oli is actually mean, just a bit misunderstood and silly. I think I make him out to be dead mean, when really he's just a very strange boy, but I think he's nice. Yes. Wow I must be in a good mood.
I'm very scared of moving, I'm hoping that I won't be living with nightmare.com's like in london. They better not say beautiful after everything bloody thing. Pour example...
'Vix' (her real name was Victoria, but she was too cool for school): Hello Laura, beautiful. what are you doing, beautiful?
Laura: I've just woken up and I'm eating some crap Tesco's own wheat biscuits, because I can't afford Weetabix.
Laura:No they're not.
Laura: No they're not.
Laura: No they're not. They are crap.
That consisted of mine and Vix's conversation every morning. I would just tell her things weren't beautiful. And she would tell me they were. She was a Kenickie fan, who wore pink flares and pink bras and not much else and took pictures of her boobs on her phone to send to random boys that she'd met and she stole all my orange juice when she was stoned and it really made me angry so I used to pour her milk down the sink. Beautiful. Flipping stupid stoned orange juice stealing Kenickie fans. I think I've spelt Kenickie wrong. London was bad, and scary, and made me bad and scared and angry. I don't feel as scared this time, I haven't been throwing up for a start, which is good.
I did my robot piece today, I painted a load of cardboard boxes white and then gaffa taped them to me, and it was dead funny, and I couldn't walk, and then took photos of me dressed as a robot. They look good, I developed them today. And then knitted.
My dog is snoring. I snore too. My dog is just like me. Except he is a he.
|Tuesday, September 14th, 2004|
|you're looking at the simple page
Hello first entry and stuff. Exciting. Last night I went out and got very drunken, and had a class time, and then saw my ex and felt really sad because I had been drinking gin, and he made me feel guilty and like I was a really bad person.
I have nothing much to say, so I thought I'd let you know some good stuff that I've seen today. Whilst driving through Thornaby, dropping my friend in town, Laura the endless taxi driver type girl is me, I saw a really old man riding a really old bike, wearing an eye patch, and then when I got to Middlesbrough there was another old man riding an old bike wearing an eye patch. Maybe he knew a really good short cut, or perhaps it was two different old men. Not actually that good or interesting I know, but I notice silly daft things, like clouds shaped like rude things.
I feel funny today, like perhaps a bit sad, but not really sad, just a bit non. A bit confused about things. I think I may follow Morrissey's lead and become celibate, because then I wouldn't have to think about anything complicated, and then my feelings wouldn't be rubbish. I really really wish I was an inaminate object, like perhaps one of them really twee naff china plates you can buy out the Sunday magazine, I'd have hmmm, a Scotty Dog painted on me, and perhaps some real gold paint trim round the edge. Because inanimate objects don't die, or fall in love, or cry, or feel sad, or have insides. And I really think insides are horrid, because they look horrible, and also insides make you die, and I don't see why I should die when my insides decide not to work anymore, that's totally rubbish and very unfair on me. As I'm not my insides, they have nothing to do with me, and I'm not my body or my brain, and if I was inanimate then I would still be me, but not have loads of stupid insides. I would like to just stand still and get a bit dusty, and have a Scotty Dog painted on me, because I quite like Scotty Dogs. The Scotish Scotty dog in Lady and the Tramp is my favourite character in that film. So I might try becoming inanimate, and not eating or drinking for a while to show my insides that I'm fine without them.
So this is what I'm going to do today.....dress up as a robot, do some writing and thinking in my tarten book for fyr, do the fiery furnaces review before natalie chops off my head,and get dressed. Wooo. I will show you the robot pictures soon.
And I will not see people that make me feel guilty for trying to get on with things, when they were mean to me first and made me cry and made me try to drown myself in the bath (that went really badly) and take silly tablets and to use me as a girlfriend type girl when he fancied it, and I don't see why I should feel guilty at all, but I do, because I'm too flipping nice to people, and nobody does anything for me, I always try to make people happy, and imagine what I would feel like if somebody did something nice for me, how happy it would make me, and then I do and make things that I imagine people would like, and nobody does bugger all for me, because everyone's just used to me doing things for them and making them happy and nobody thinks to make me happy, and it's very very tiring worrying about other people all the time. Like he said "if we're back together I'll be so happy" but what about me???? So I'm going to stop worrying about other people because nobody could care less about me. So the new selfish Laura is emerging.
This journal makes me turn into a moaning minnie self obsessed martyr. Not good in the slightest. sorry about that.